Reading With Your Kids

 

 About a year ago I submitted an article to Readingwithyourkids.com. Lately I've been revisiting this area in my own life as we're working hard to raise a fellow book worm, so I'm republishing it with permission here. Hope you enjoy! PS, Rory and the folks at Reading with Your Kids also have a podcast which is a really great listen for my fellow kidlit lovers. 

Before my daughter was born, my husband and I read to her. We'd pick a book from the small pile my mom, a retired school teacher and children's librarian, had sent us in the mail, giggling at the awkwardness of animatedly telling a story to my belly. We'd laugh at lines like, “Daddies are delicious,” and wonder what she'd think of these books once she arrived. 

Those early days feel long behind us now, but we never stopped reading to our daughter, now three, and our son, who just turned four months old. We've all gone through phases of waxing and waning interest and engagement, like our daughter at four weeks of age, when she'd stare at us with a puzzled expression—or just cry—or at one year when the most interesting thing about books was the flavor. From the sleepless nights of early infancy to the trying days of defiant toddlerhood, we have always come back to reading together. Whether cuddled on the couch on a rainy afternoon or plopping down in a corner of our local library, reading together has become a comforting constant for our family. 

Reading as a family is more than just a pleasant activity to enjoy together. Reading to children as young as newborns has many benefits both in their early brain development and further down the road once they are school-aged. Literacy has been associated with higher education completion rates and earning potential and lower school dropout and incarceration rates. Moreover, the vast majority of brain development occurs in the window from birth to two years of age. Reading to children during this critical period facilitates that development. 

The benefits of reading with young children are well studied, and as a pediatrician, I'm lucky to work with and counsel new parents throughout early childhood on why reading to children can be so beneficial. Here are just a few reasons why reading to your kids is so important—especially at a young age—and some tips on making it more fun as a family. 

Reading aloud improves early childhood vocabulary. Children learn words from what they hear in the world around them. Some of this comes from conversations with parents and peers. But books—even picture books—have richer, more complex language and expose children to higher-level vocabulary at an early age. Both types of language are crucial for success later in life, and the more words children are exposed to early in childhood, the more successful they are at reading once they reach school age. 

You certainly don’t have to start with long books containing big words or complex sentences; in fact, it’s best to start small. For young infants, choose picture-forward books with shorter text. Brains are programmed to enjoy looking at faces, so books featuring people and facial expressions are a good choice at this age. You can talk about things happening in the pictures, ask open-ended questions, and point out objects on the pages. 

Reading exposes infants to natural speech patterns. Have you heard of serve and return language? If not, you've certainly heard it. It's the natural way that people converse with each other every day, such as asking a question while another person replies or making a comment that someone responds to. It’s often described as a tennis match. One person serves the ball to their partner across the net, and the other returns it, continuing the conversation This type of interactive speech pattern has many benefits both in speech development and secure attachment to caregivers. Not only does it model and help babies practice this style of speech pattern, but also, by encouraging and responding to an infant’s coos and babbles, it fosters secure attachment and positive brain development. 

How can you practice serve and return language with your kids? Ask questions! What do you think will happen next? Who do you see in this picture? Will you count all the animals with me? Try it the next time you're reading with your child. Even in the pre-verbal period, this encourages infant babbling, which develops into normal language patterns later in life. 

Reading together promotes parental bonding. When you enjoy doing something, you want to do it more. Anyone who has binge-watched a TV show or eaten chocolate can tell you this, but it’s also a scientific fact. Reading is no different. When children associate reading with curling up on the couch with loved ones, it creates a positive association that will bring them back to reading again and again. 

Some great ways to incorporate more reading into quality time include reading during bedtime and naptime routines, taking little ones on outings to the library, and attending local story time events with them. We also always keep books within arm’s reach at home—we keep a large basket of picture books next to the couch, in our bedroom, and in our children’s play spaces. Some parents may use a tent, pillows, or toddler-sized furniture to create a reading nook in the home. This creates plenty of natural opportunities to plop down on the couch and read together. 

Reading the same story allows for language acquisition. Any parent of a toddler right now can probably recite every word of at least one of their kid’s favorite books. For us, it’s Little Blue Truck and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. At their peak, my daughter would ask us to read these books upwards of ten times a day. What gives? As it turns out, it’s more than just your toddler trying to assert some autonomy (although that’s certainly part of it). Every time you reread that story, your child is listening, learning, and solidifying their understanding of new words and concepts. With each reread, children are listening, processing, and understanding more of what’s being read. 

Reading together is an important part of school readiness. In addition to exposing children to natural speech patterns and vocabulary, reading together introduces children to the building blocks of literacy. This includes identifying sounds in spoken words, connecting letters to sounds, understanding what is being read, vocabulary, and fluency. While your child doesn't have to be reading before kindergarten, exposure to the building blocks of literacy through reading aloud together will help children achieve literacy once they reach school age. 

A final note. Reading to a young child is not always easy. It may feel strange in early infancy or later, in the toddler years. It may become exhausting as they get distracted, uninterested, or feel too wiggly to sit through an entire book. The one constant in early childhood is that kids change constantly; what didn’t appeal to them last week will suddenly become their favorite thing. Remember, if your child goes through a period where they’re no longer interested in reading, don’t push it, and try not to sweat it. You can always switch to shorter books, less time reading, or take a break altogether and try again in a few days.

Not long ago, I came home from a shift stressed out. It had been a busy day, with back-to-back patients, complicated issues to triage, and little time to eat, drink, or pump breast milk for my baby boy. I walked through the door on edge and eager to shower off the stress and germs of a busy day at the clinic before hugging my little ones. 

“Mama, I missed you! Can we read?” My daughter, almost three here, was making a beeline to hug me, scrubs and all. 

“Not yet!” I said. “Wait until I’ve showered!” 

Since we’re heading into cold and flu season, I make a conscious effort to change clothes before embracing my children. A shock of guilt ran through me. The disappointment was written all over her face. 

I hurried through my shower and tossed on my favorite lounge pants, sweatshirt, and socks, eager to find my daughter before she lost interest in hanging out with me. I found her in one of our favorite reading spots, curled deep into the corner of our couch, surrounded by her stuffed animal friends, her favorite plastic Maui figurine, and, of course, piles of picture books. She was reading to herself—or at least trying. She’s memorized a few of her favorite titles by heart. 

“Sorry, I had to shower first,” I told her. “Can we still read some books together?” A smile lit up her face. “Of course we can!” she exclaimed. “Let’s start with this one.” 

Sources: 

1. Lee, Melissa. When it comes to salary, it’s academic. The Washington Post, July 1994. 

2. Rogot et. al. Life Expectancy by Employment Status, Income, and Education in the National Longitude Mortality Study. Public Health Reports July-August 1992 (107): 457-461. 

3. Pfefferbaum A, Mathalon DH, Sullivan EV, Rawles JM, Zipursky RB, Lim KO. A quantitative magnetic-resonance-imaging study of changes in brain morphology from infancy to late adulthood. Arch Neurol. 1994;51:874–887 

4. Massaro DW. Reading Aloud to Children: Benefits and Implications for Acquiring Literacy Before Schooling Begins. Am J Psychol. 2017 Spring;130(1):63-72. doi: 10.5406/amerjpsyc.130.1.0063. PMID: 29508957. 

5. Serve and return. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2020, January 27). https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/ 

6. Kok, R., Thijssen, S., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. et al. (2015). Normal variation in early parental sensitivity predicts child structural brain development. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 54(10), 824–831.

7. Kuhl, P.K., Ramírez, R.R., Bosseler, A., Lin, J.L. & Imada, T. (2014). Infants’ brain responses to speech suggest analysis by synthesis. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 111(31) 11238-11245. 

8. Malenka RC, Nestler EJ, Hyman SE (2009). Sydor A, Brown RY (eds.). Molecular Neuropharmacology: A Foundation for Clinical Neuroscience (2nd ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill Medical. pp. 147–148, 367, 376. 

9. Razdan, S. (2023). 10 tips to help your child fall in love with reading. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/school/Pages/10-Tips-to-Hel p-Your-Child-Fall-in-Love-with-Reading.aspx#:~:text=Read%20together%20before%20bedtime.,r ead%20a%20book%20to%20you! 

10. Horst JS, Parsons KL, Bryan NM. Get the story straight: contextual repetition promotes word learning from storybooks. Front Psychol. 2011 Feb 17;2:17. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00017. PMID: 21713179; PMCID: PMC3111254. 

11. burrows, heather. (2017). Reading and literacy in children | CS mott children’s hospital . Reading and Literacy in Children. 

https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/reading-and-literacy-children

Lightening the Load: Some thoughts on Fair Play

Do you ever feel like there’s so much stuff running through your brain that your head might spin off? Not like, ‘oh what kind of bird is that?’ stuff. Things like, ‘I’d better not forget to email Nicole,’ or ‘shoot I need to put the fish in the oven’, or ‘oh crap, we never RSVP’ed to that birthday party.’ I’m not sure where I read about Fair Play- probably one of my local Mom groups- but as soon as I read it, I was hooked. First, because it gave a name to all these last minute mini-panics spinning through my head at any given time: mental load. Second, because it offered a very appealing possible solution. 

A little background: right after Peter and I got married, he left his job and we moved to a new state together. While I started my residency, working up to 80 hours a week (sometimes more,) he was home, job hunting and taking the lion’s share of the household chores. Prior to marriage we were always living apart, so we never really had a traditional division of those kinds of duties as a couple. That being said, I had always wondered why I was the only one stressing about finding and interviewing nannies and sitters, shopping for the next size up of clothes for E, or researching affordable cross-country moving companies. Fair Play, by Eve Rodsky, is all about the ‘why’ behind this question. I really enjoyed the book- it was well researched, thoughtful and eye-opening (if, at times, rage-inducing.) But what I really appreciated was that, unlike many books in the nonfiction genre, it didn’t just present a depressing problem with no hope of a resolution- Rodsky not only came up with a strategy for couples to re-allocate both visible and invisible tasks, she beta-tested it and it’s now available as a game couples can play to make things a little more equitable- fair play. 

The concept is surprisingly (almost embarrassingly) simple. The game consists of a card deck of different tasks- from things you do every day (cooking, laundry, dishes,) to the planning and mapping out of life (think meal planning, managing the family calendar,) to things that come up occasionally but still occupy brain space (think taking your car in for repairs and arranging childcare.) There are other cards that I won't go into much detail on - primarily cards to ensure each person is getting not only self care time, but unicorn space time- aka time to pursue your passions as well. The goal is to sit down with your partner and distribute the cards as they're done now- ex, Peter does cooking and dishes, I do laundry, etc. This not only shows you both what each of you are doing to maintain the home and family, but opens opportunities to discuss and redistribute workloads if one person is particularly overwhelmed with duties. This can be repeated as needed when one person goes through a busy week or has an unexpected disruption, but ideally these swaps are planned. Most importantly, the rules stipulate (and the book repeatedly drives this point) that whoever holds the card MUST do the task from start to finish, following the conceptualize -plan- execute model. So if you're the meal person, you need to pick out the recipe, figure out what ingredients need to be picked up, and cook and plate the food. More on this later.

We got our cards in the mail a week ago, and I was eager to get started, mainly because I was curious how our cards dealt out. I had a hunch that while Peter did more than the average husband around the house, I was still taking on quite a bit of the mental load. And my hunch wasn't far off! We ultimately didn't swap or pass off too many cards. I'm lucky to have a husband who's always done his fair share of the visible labor, and is a better cook than me. Plus, I'm focusing on being home with the kids this year, so my workload is significantly lighter. But it did spark a nice conversation about a lot of the work that I do that goes unnoticed - planning out and shopping for holidays, gifts, social calendar, school and childcare, and more (the section of the book on thank you cards gave me a chuckle.) We had a false start after Peter got a nasty cold over the weekend and we backslid into survival mode. But a week in, I wanted to share how it's going for us and my honest opinion on the strengths and weaknesses of this approach. 

The good: right off the bat, I noticed in the book that Rodsky's approach is not punitive or even accusatory. The goal is not to incite conflict .If anything, I found the experience of listing out what each of us did generated some healthy conversations and appreciation of what each of us does to keep things going without a major hitch. Having a visual marker of what I do for us as a family in the form of a pile of cards was also validating for me, since a lot of things I was doing fall under the invisible load category and often go unrecognized. What's more, the rest of the week I found myself thanking hubs for doing things I used to take for granted. 

 The tricky. I'll call this section tricky because none of this is necessarily bad. But I did notice certain 'rules' of the game didn't gel with our current system. Which is not a big deal- the point of the game is to make life flow more easily, not to make things more complicated. But I did find myself unsure of whether to pivot from something that seemed like it was working for the sake of following the game to a T. 

The most common example of this was sticking to the CPE model. According to this framework, whoever does laundry DOES laundry - they recognize we're low on clean clothes without being told, gather up the laundry, wash, dry, fold and put it away. For Peter and I, he often would start the load and I'd fold and put things away. Another example is cooking - at some point I took charge of our meal planning and shopping list, while he would get groceries and cook most days (I would work as a sous chef and do whatever prep I could during the day, or throw together easy meals some nights.) If we're being purists when following the rules if fair play, we really need to bust this system and each of us has to commit to our assigned tasks. Ultimately we found a compromise that worked for us: instead of one person being the dishes person or cooking person, we swap off, with Peter cooking most weeks while I do dishes, and the opposite on my days. Same with laundry: we split it into cloth diapers and regular laundry, so that one person wasn't drowning in this massive task. The only CPE we truly split for now is that I still meal plan, because I enjoy it. And it's worked pretty well for us. The only problem with this is my next point: the baby. 

Our sweet, adorable bundle of joy is not a big fan of being put down. This is totally normal at this age, and it's slowly getting better, but as the breastfeeding parent, I find myself stuck on a couch or in the bedroom feeding M right when I'm in the middle of trying to get something done, and I often get frustrated that the kitchen is a mess or I left some hands-on task unfinished. This is, of course, a temporary problem - babies grow way too fast and before I blink I'm sure we'll be missing these exhausting, lovely days of the fourth trimester. But for now, I find myself feeling a bit guilty for barking orders at Peter while I'm snuggling with M (ok, I'm not really barking orders at anyone, most of the time.) It's not a huge flaw, but worth noting that the game is probably a little easier to play when a family is past it's young infant stage. 

It's too early to say how long and how intensely we're going to adopt this approach. At some point I'd like to ditch the cards and make our own spreadsheet, with descriptions of each task and colors to designate who is in charge of what. But we've had our first sit down discussion and both agreed it's going well enough that we're going to stick to it. I've already taken a few more cards after my consulting gig wrapped up and Peter's job started to ramp up for the quarter. At the very least, it's sparked some healthy conversations and helped us both feel seen in a household with two working parents and young kids. Have you tried this approach? Or something similar? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Music Monday

 for indigenous people's day I wanted to share a Native artist. I absolutely adore Raye Zaragoza and she's on tour right now- check here to see if she's coming to a city near you! 

 

 PS- honorable mention to Redbone, a native band from the classic rock era, and to Notorious Cree, who can fancy dance to just about anything trending on Tik Tok! Be sure to check them out.

Music Monday (on Tuesday!)

 

Lately I have picked up some consulting work remotely, which is great- it's flexible, can be done from home, and allows me to stop and take care of M and the million other tasks I have taken over since leaving my full time job. The only downside...it's a little redundant and can get boring. It requires just enough mental work that I can't listen to a podcast while doing it, but not enough to keep me excited/engaged for very long. And I am definitely a person who likes a little background noise when I'm working!

The nice secondary result of this is I've listened to more music than I have in years. It's been great discovering new artists, but even more rewarding has been jumping back into old favorite albums, bands, and playlists from as far back as high school (!) Yellowcard takes me back to driving around in my Grandmother's old volvo; there's one Band of Horses album where the opening soundtrack immediately brings me to the lush green peaks of our family roadtrip to Ireland right after college. 

So, here's my second re-remembered playlist. Hope y'all enjoy. P.S. you can check out the first one here.

Life Lately

 

I don't know why, but I always loved reading the life lately or ten things I'm loving-style posts on old school blogs back in the day. I still read the weekly updates on Cup of Jo and A Beautiful Mess and enjoy them. I wrote a few, but never consistently. I thought it might be nice to do a check in like this once a month.

- I was reading some heavier things earlier in the summer, and while I enjoyed them (Demon Copperhead was so good y'all,) I was definitely ready for something lighter. The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches is definitely fitting the bill. It's got a very cozy vibe which I love

-  now that Peter is back at work, we're trying to come up with strategies to make weeknight meals a lot easier. One thing we've tried is baking protein and veg on a sheet pan and pairing it with a grain and a sauce. I became pretty obsessed with baked salmon sushi bowls during pregnancy, but we recently got this cookbook from the library to try some new recipes. Would love recommendations if you have any! 

-  since 'rediscovering' some old favorite artists I can't get this album out of my head. Absolutely love it and it brings me back to such a specific time in my life. Here's another favorite older playlist I keep coming back to. And if you have any more recommendations, please share! I'm always looking for new artists to get into! 

-  we had to get E an email for her global entry application, and I realized we could sign her up for Crumbl cookies emails and get her a free cookie for her birthday! Just a PSA for any other cookie monsters out there :) 

-  it's late in the season but we finally got through our first hurricane touchdown here in Florida. As hurricanes become more severe and intense due to climate change, it's so so important to be prepared for the season. Here's a good starting point on what should be in your kit, and a short read on how climate change impacts extreme weather events. 

-  I recently wrote out some personal and professional goals for the next 18 months and let me tell you, it felt so good to put some concrete plans (and boundaries) around the coming year. Mainly I'm focusing on raising my two little ones, but it feels so great to also have a clear plan to return back to work refreshed after some pretty intense feelings of burnout. I'm also carving out more time for self care via creativity which feels amazing. For something that took five minutes it was well worth the time. 

-  speaking of creativity, I submitted another work for publication! It's an essay on the intersection of medicine and motherhood, and I think it's a long shot, but I really enjoyed writing it and the writing process in general, so I'm going to keep at it. I find it to be such a relaxing outlet. In the process of submitting I found this beautiful essay by another writer so thought I'd share.

-  hard to believe but we're nearly a month into E's school year. It's been a learning curve for her, and she's doing beautifully, but I didn't realize how much of a learning curve it would be for us as well... I find myself scrambling to keep up with the school emails trying to understand the lingo (what's a PAC? PTA?) and trying to stop myself from volunteering for the recycling position I saw that was open (and trying to convince them it should be a sustainability officer...🫣) 

-  our garden is looking a bit sad, but earlier this summer our compost finally yielded some good nutritious dirt which is amazing! Hard to believe we need to start planning our winter garden down here already...I'm eyeing these sunflower rings for E and M. We did this once as a kid and I still remember it, I loved it so much!

-  E is really taking off on her bike and it's been so cool to see. She can be a little cautious so every time she overcomes a fear it's a thrill to watch her as a parent. We thrifted her bike, but it's very similar to this one. The balance bike method is new to me as we grew up using training wheels, and then having my dad take them off and shove us down a grassy hill screaming "PEDAL!" at us (nope, not exaggerating. Yes, it's definitely as funny as it sounds, assuming you're not the one learning to ride your bike.) I mean, whatever works, I guess? :) Are you a balance bike or training wheels family?

Have a great day y'all. 

Our Hurricane Kit

 

Well, our first big storm came and went, and while it didn't come near to our county, it's a been a very good reminder that we need to make sure we're prepared for this type of weather event. It may sound weird, but growing up we looked forward to hurricanes- we were lucky enough to have solid housing and be far from the evacuation zone. Preparing involved making sure you had what you needed to complete any school assignments and helping my parents put up the shutters around the house. As an adult, of course things aren't so simple. Here's a list of what we keep in the house to prepare for storms. 

- first aid kid. My brother actually got this kit not long after the start of the pandemic, and then gifted it to us when we moved (thanks, Luke!) At minimum it should include a few different types of wound dressings (the Red Cross recommends this list), antibiotic ointment (avoid Neosporin as it tends to cause skin reactions,) and some tweezers. I'd also include any medications anyone in the household takes regularly, plus Acetaminophen, Ibuprofen, and Cetirizine. 

- food. It's not uncommon for hurricanes to cause power outages and limit access to drinkable water, so you'll want some cans and packets or non-perishable food that's easy to assemble and eat. As Trader Joe's fans, we just stocked up on some packets and cans from their nonperishable aisle, but you can also add things like ramen, snack bars, fruit leathers- pretty much anything that requires as little prep as possible. We have a gas camping grill so we just make sure we have a propane tank to heat stuff up on if needed, ideally long before the hurricane panic buying starts. Another note: go through your supplies annually to cycle out anything that's coming up on expiration dates and replenish with newer items. 

- water. As above. You generally want one gallon per person and pet per day in case the water is not drinkable for an extended period. Obviously no one knows how long the power will be out (the longest power outage we experienced was two weeks!) but 3 days is a good start. You can either buy and store gallons of water, or fill containers in your home before the storm hits. There's also purification tablets you can buy and use in a pinch. 

- flashlights and batteries. As a kid, hurricane night meant going to bed with a flashlight on my nightstand in case the power went out (as it often does in hurricanes.) We upgraded to headlamps, and use our camping lantern to as needed. Make sure you have the right unexpired batteries for whatever lighting you're using as well. 

- Important documents. Less of a hurricane kit thing than a life kit thing. Many disaster relief organizations will recommend keeping important documents such as passports, birth certificates and relevant medical information in a single place in the home. Fireproof safes are expensive, but you could also zip them into a water proof bag to keep them dry in the event of flooding. 

- The rest of the stuff. The list can get very long very quickly and depends a lot on individual circumstances. If you are at risk of evacuating having a change of clothes or two packed in a designated spot is also a good idea, as well as supplies, documents and food for pets if you have them. The CDC also recommends keeping a fire extinguisher in the home (which should honestly be an item every household has in working condition.) 

Other things to note:

- follow official guidelines. The national weather service is a great resource, but please check in and follow along on local official disaster preparedness pages. If you are being told to evacuate PLEASE evacuate. Not only for your own safety - you are endangering others' lives if you get trapped in an unsafe area. 

- Hurricane season runs from June to November, but in general it's a good idea to be prepared year round, as you can use this kind of kit for other emergencies as well. It's also a good idea to check in on everything once a year and make sure replace expired or broken items. 

- if you have any medical devices that require power to run, make sure you know where you can go if you lose power. This was something that happened in Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico that led to some pretty tragic outcomes. It could be as simple as figuring out if any local friends or family have a generator or solar and battery system you can hunker down with or the nearest hospital that operates as a shelter. Many folks will not have to worry about this but if you use a nebulizer or other respiratory machines or rely on dialysis regularly it's important to look into this. 

So that's pretty much it!. What do you think? Anything you would add? 

PS. The CDC has some really great articles on this stuff that you can find on their website, linked here

Music Monday

I feel like there needs to be a word out there for the feeling you get when you hear a song that you used to love and haven't heard in such a long time that you pretty much forgot all about it. Is this a thing? If not it should be! 

Anyways, music Monday is back. With my writing flurry has come a significant dip in my reading (natural I guess, but I'm still kinda bummed.) On the flip side it's been replaced with listening to lots of music, some of which I haven't gone back to in over 10 years. Of course I had to make a playlist. 

I posted on Instagram too but friends, what's your favorite song at the moment? I'm loving rediscovering old favorites but need to add some new stuff to rotation too. 💙