Baby Registry: 9 things we would (and wouldn't) buy again

The first baby’s arrival is always an exciting, emotional, chaotic time. It also happens to be a time when even the most minimalist parent finds themselves buying a ton of stuff. Odds are, if you are going from a child-free life to one with kids, especially a newborn or infant, you will need at least a few things to get you going. 

That being said, if you spend any amount of time on social media you’ll quickly be convinced you need all. The. things. Mail in developmentally appropriate play kits. Matching first foods kit. Matching pajamas for Christmas and every holiday in between. And don’t get me wrong, I think it’s nice to treat yourself every now and then to something to make your life easier, or just because you want it- but a quick scroll on instagram shows how out of hand this whole thing really has gotten. A quick read from the guardian can show you how something that started out as a low-waste initiative, the reusable cup, quickly became a greenwashed social media marketing campaign as companies fight to keep people buying more and more stuff. 

Before things get to ranty, I’ll go ahead and share my list- it’s certainly not groundbreaking or the end-all be-all by any means, but here are 3 things we registered for and are very happy with, 3 things we wish we purchased but didn’t, and 3 items we bought that I’d probably leave off our registry if I had to do it again- here goes!

Items we’re so glad we registered for: 

Baby monitor: This was my husband’s pick. It seems like a no brainer, but in his own words, ‘we traveled a lot [and it worked well in] a lot of different sleep settings’ It helped us both for safety purposes, for sleep training, and for our own entertainment (watching her sing to herself- so cute!) To be fair, if you’re in a small space or sleeping one room over, you may not need one, but both of our permanent home situations with E we’ve been separated, either by a floor or by the rest of the living space. We actually still use it now (she tells us when she has to use the potty at night through the speaker.) This is the one we were gifted, and we’re probably just going to add a second camera when our baby boy arrives :)

Nose Frida and thermometer: this is 100% biased by me being a pediatrician, and maybe I’d just purchase it for myself, but this is something you definitely want to have when you walk through the front door with your newborn. I have counseled hundreds of parents before they take their newborn home, and seen dozens of newborns in the ER for both colds and fevers. I tell every parent the same thing: you need to have a thermometer that can check a rectal temperature, and you need a nasal aspirator for your baby’s first cold. The first because fever in a newborn can be the only sign of a serious bacterial infection, a true emergency in the first few months of life. The second because the nasal passageways are tiny and even a small amount of congestion can make breathing difficult for a young infant. Newborns are also more prone to a cold traveling to the lungs and causing bronchiolitis. These two items can be crucial to recognizing a serious bacterial infection and also helping your child through respiratory infections at home, before things get too serious.

Carrier: I have to say, before we had E, we registered for 2 carriers (both Sakura brand) and were gifted 2-3 secondhand ones. I 110% am SO thankful for this, but I also sort of wish we had done more research on the type of carrier that would work best for us. I returned the wrap carrier pretty quickly because I was feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to make it work for us, but many people love them! I probably will stick to our core 2 carriers this time around (the Sakura Scout and Ring Sling,) but I’m also going to learn how to get more use out of the ring sling, which I ended up loving when E was just at the top of the weight limit for that carrier. This is definitely an area where a little research will get you far! 

Items we wish we registered for but didn’t: 

White noise machine: A minimalist at heart, I tend to shy away from items that really only serve a single purpose, so we left this one off our registry. Within the first two months my parents bought us one and I’m so glad they did- we tried out youtube clips and even a static-y radio and nothing was working. But pretty much everyone and their Mom told us we needed a white noise machine and when my parents got us one, it was a life changer when it came to E’s sleep. I can’t even find the model online right now, but this list should be a good place to start.

Baby bouncer/lounger: I don’t even know why we didn’t originally register for a baby bouncer- it just didn’t cross my mind, I guess…my sister actually surprised me with one from Fisher Price and we ended up using it everywhere at a certain point - when one of us had to shower, cook a meal, or put E down for a Zoom class or meeting, the bouncer was absolutely essential to freeing up our hands to get a bit of work done (and she love it!)

The babybjorn bouncer was extremely popular among parents in our area (I actually bought and re-sold one secondhand in a span of months!) but you’ll do just as fine with one of the fisher price ones (or any other brand), which can just as easily be found at target as they can on facebook marketplace.

Breastfeeding Supplies/milk collectors: For parents that plan to breastfeed, the haakaa and similar milk collectors are both phenomenal for adding a little extra milk to your supply. I actually think I registered for the haakaa, but left off the milk collectors. One tip: when using the haakaa, don’t use excessive suction, as it can push you into over-supply, which then makes you more prone to discomfort, clogged ducts and potentially mastitis.

In addition, there’s about a dozen or so different breastfeeding related items that will make your life so much easier if you plan to nurse your baby. I used these bamboo pads instead of single use ones, and I joke that I should have bought stock in Lansinoh because I used so many tubes of nipple cream those first three months. This time around our list also includes silicone milk storage bags and glass bottles, since we are trying to move away from plastic.

Items we wouldn’t register for/purchase this time around

Clothes: this one may come as a surprise, but I actually feel pretty strongly about it- the reason is twofold. First, babies grow so fast that the secondhand market is incredible- you can get gently used baby clothes from 0-12/24 months for a really good deal, both online and in person. And secondly, no matter what you register for, some people are just going to buy you baby clothes anyways. This happened to us a lot- it really surprised me! But honestly, thinking back to before I had kids, one of my favorite things to do when a friend had a new baby was buy them an adorable new outfit (honestly, I still find this hard to resist.) 

Receiving Blankets: As for receiving blankets, they’re cute, and beautiful to look at- but their use is a bit limited. I think we ended up with 4, and were gifted 3 additional handmade ones (all of which are beautiful, and my daughter still plays with them!) But we quickly switched from blankets to velcro swaddles (specifically this one, which is worth the money, IMO, since it is incredibly easy to use and will get you through 0-6 months of age!) In the future I’d register for 1, maybe 2, as you can use them as floor mats and photo backdrops- but take it from someone who spends all day in newborn nurseries swaddling and unswaddling babies- the velcro ones are much better. 

Bassinet: Ok, this one honestly pains me to write. Let me start by saying I loved our bassinet. It was an incredibly generous gift from my core group of friends. I couldn’t bear to sell it, even when it didn’t make much sense packing it in the move, and we will still use it with baby #2. And then keep it forever and repurpose it as storage or something else because it’s too pretty to look at and I can’t bear to even give it away. 

But. 

Many babies outgrow bassinets fast. Some within weeks! And in the life span of baby products, the amount of time that a bassinet is usable and useful is incredibly short. You will do just as well starting them right off the bat in a crib or pack and play. For parents who plan to breastfeed, there are ones with an (FDA approved) drop-down side to easily access your infant for feeding. As much as I love our sweet little moses basket, I don’t think I would register for it the second time around. 

Other things to consider:

Have a variety of price points. The people who want to gift you something to celebrate the baby may surprise you! Especially for the first baby, people will want to contribute in some way, big or small. It’s nice to have items from a few different price points so that everyone who wants to gift you something can participate, without feeling the pressure to spend a lot of money.

Think about how far ahead you want to look. At first we thought maybe we’d only register for items we’d need for the first 6 months, but the first year of a baby’s life can really add up cost-wise, if you’re not careful. While feeding that tiny newborn solids may seem far away, it sneaks up on you. Consider throwing in your high chair and feeding supplies, or that push walker- you’ll be using them before you know it! Also, registries like, Amazon, Target and Babylist will often offer a one-time ‘completion discount’ close to your due date on whatever you register for- so it makes sense to stock up on any items you may need through the first year.

Consider some non-tangibles, too. Far and away some of the most helpful things I can think of in the newborn period were the meals people sent to us (I still dream about the chicken cacciatore my sister made for my first meal home from the hospital!) and the endless loads of laundry my mother helped with when I was recovering from my c-section. It’s ok to ask for these types of contributions, whether its a door dash gift card, a laundry/cleaning service, or even donations to a college fund (it’s never too early to start saving :)) 

Secondhand Alternatives to purchase baby gear: Lastly, I wanted to end with a list of places you can purchase items secondhand. Not to sound like a broken record, but the first two years your baby grows so fast, some items you’ll use for just a few short months before moving on to the next size or toy or model. It’s ok if every single item you use for your baby isn’t brand new. Plus, if no one else in your family or circle is having kids any time soon, if you’re anything like me you may be eager to de-clutter some items once your child has outgrown them.

Buy Nothing Groups. I will forever sing the praises of Buy Nothing Groups. I’ve received and gifted so much baby stuff in these spaces. People’s generosity will really amaze you, and it builds community as well. 

In person secondhand stores. Check your local google maps for consignment shops focused on kids- in addition to local spots, we like Kid2Kid and Once Upon a Child.

Facebook Marketplace. I haven’t ventured into this space as much down in Florida, mainly because the local Boston parent BST groups were so well moderated and many of the ones down here are just a bit messier. But if you’re looking for something specific or too large to practically ship (like a jogging stroller, or a particular brand of clothing,) these can be a great option.

Other Online Markets. Kidizen is probably my favorite and where I’ve had most success finding baby items, but Poshmark, Thredup and Goodbuygear are some other great options. 

That’s all I’ve got! Anything I missed? What would you add or take away from your registry for baby #2?

Cloth Diapering, Part 2: Choosing your cloth diaper

Hi Again! 

Today we’re going to be discussing types of cloth diapers- this is a great post for the parents who want to cloth diaper, but don’t really know where to start and which type of diaper they’re looking for. While we haven’t used every single type of diaper, we have tried quite a few brands at this point, and I have some pretty strong feelings about a few of them. Like so many aspects of parenting, this really isn’t a one size fits all choice- what works well for us may not be your cup of tea! 

Lastly, this list goes from least complex → most complex in terms of systems. In this case, least complex means most basic, so prefolds are technically the simplest system but require the most ‘effort’ on a caregiver to learn folding, proper pinning, etc. While more complex systems, once you can master them, at least theoretically, put the least effort on parents. I’ll do my best to describe all the options and will link a few of our favorite resources at the end. As always I love both questions and comments/outside opinions, so please let me know your thoughts below! 

Prefolds. These are exactly what they sound like- a rectangular cloth that must be folded and pinned onto your child, either with clothespins, or more commonly with a t-piece. The cloth will absorb the pee and poo, but these diapers do need a waterproof covering, with wool, fleece or synthetic materials. While the cloth itself gets washed with each use, the cover can typically go through a few changes unless it gets soiled. They are typically the most affordable of the diaper systems. 

We have never used these types of diapers personally. I don’t have a photo of them, but here is a link to what they look like. At the time that we were switching to cloth diapers with our first child, we were also brand new parents and feeling overwhelmed, so we opted for more user-friendly systems. That being said, I know two or three families who used and loved this style of diaper. 

Fitted diapers. These are similar to prefolds, in that it’s essentially just a cloth, but this one has elastic around the waist and legs and snaps so it is fitted around the baby’s body without any folding, pins or t-piece. It also requires a waterproof diaper cover. We used these during the newborn phase- the brand we used is called Luladew and they rarely leaked, we loved them! Another popular brand that has gained a lot of attention on social media is Esembly. I haven’t tried them, mostly because I think there’s a trend tax going on and they’re not the best value for your money, but they certainly look very cute.

Pocket diaper. in this system, there is a waterproof cover/outside, a microfleece/fabric interior that goes up against the skin, and a ‘pocket’ between the two. They have the same snaps and elastic as the diaper covers described above, but can also use velcro to close at the waist.

Inside the pocket, you place 1-2 absorbent inserts to absorb pee. These can be disposable, bamboo, microfleece, or another material. When soiled you take the inserts out before washing them. Because of this, they also tend to dry faster than some other styles of diapers.  We used these most frequently from when E was 3 to 20 months old and found them really easy to use. There are many great brands here; when we lived in Massachusetts, Bumgenius was very popular; personally I found them no better or worse than Alva or Nora’s nursery, except that the alva baby opening to place the inserts into was smaller and it took a little adjustment to get good at stuffing the clean diapers with inserts prior to use.

All in one. In this system, the cover and ‘inserts’ are combined into one. Instead of a hole and space between the waterproof cover and the inside for inserts, in these, the insert is built in, either sewed to the back of the diaper or snapping in place. (caveat: in some cases there is still a space for additional inserts, for kids that tend to pee very large volumes.) 

All in one with a snap-on insert. More can be added by additional snaps

All in one with one end of insert sewn to the edge of the pocket. You can add additional inserts as needed.

In theory they’re easier to use, but I personally didn’t find them much easier or harder to use than the pockets. This may be because our oldest is a ‘heavy wetter,’ meaning she peed a lot and often leaked with this type of diaper unless we adjusted them (i.e. added more absorbent layers. We had a few Grovia brands and really loved them! 

Hybrid/other. this term typically describes when you use a cloth diaper cover with a disposable layer, that looks like a pad beneath it. These are very convenient to use but obviously you lose some of the low-waste element there. They will also cost a bit more money since you need to keep buying the inserts. 

A lot of people will use these when out or on the go for convenience. I have never used them, but we’re considering this option for next time around, when we’ll have two kids and maybe need to simplify our on the go cloth diapering situation.

That’s about the gist of it- it’s worth noting that within each category, there are sometimes dozens of different brands vying for your money. I truly don’t think one brand is that much better than the other- some will have good reputations from other parents/word of mouth (hi, Bum Genius!), Others have excellent marketing strategies (Esembly). Ultimately, what worked great for our family might not be the best fit for yours- babies come in all shapes and sizes, and yes, they even pee differently! I hope this bird’s eye view is a helpful starting guide for anyone looking to try out cloth diapers but not sure where or how to start. 

If you’re looking for more info, check out some of the resources below, which we found incredibly helpful throughout our journey (I still refer to these now with our cloth pull ups!) And definitely let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

 Diaper Lab Cambridge- https://www.diaperlab.com/class-list I still reference this shop and website so much. If you’re local to Cambridge/Somerville/Boston, I highly recommend going in person, joining their Facebook group and taking one of their intro to cloth diaper classes. It was incredibly helpful when we were starting out. 

Cloth Diaper Subreddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/clothdiaps/ the folks in this space are a great wealth of information, especially for us novices who are troubleshooting while learning the ropes! 

Eco-parent groups- We had a local group in Massachusetts that I still pop into when I have questions. For this kind of practical knowledge, they really are the best. We haven’t found a similar group down here yet, and I’m finding I’m really missing the awesome low waste-focused group of folks I leaned on in those early days of parenting. 

What questions do you have about cloth diapers? If there is a lot of interest, I'd be happy to make another blog post. As always, thanks for reading <3

The True Spirit of Buy Nothing Groups

The other day (okay, this was actually months ago!) I was reading an article on Apartment Therapy on Buy Nothing Groups. In it, the author shares tips and secrets to 'scoring' the cutest and best home decor on these sites. The article wasn't terrible in its entirety, but the focus and common thread throughout was: "use buy nothing groups because you can get a lot of stuff for your house for free."

I find this take interesting, and I guess unsurprising- Apartment Therapy is a home and style website, which translates to lots of marketing and a push for more stuff- stuff to fill your space, to leave your signature on, to make it pretty. I get that. I too, want the perfectly curated space, the instagrammable, light-filled, themed-but-still-beige-y-enough-to-appeal-to-the-masses vibes that seem to be both on trend and weirdly soothing. 

The thing is, that is really only half of the story behind Buy Nothing Groups. Having participated in two such groups in the last 2 years doesn't by any means makes me an expert, but it doesn't take a philosophical deep dive to understand the purpose of these groups. The origins of the Buy Nothing Project may surprise you. 

The story goes, two parents in the Pacific Northwest became concerned about the plastics they were finding washed up on the shore of their coastal town. This deep concern about waste and its impact on their local ecosystems and environments led them to brainstorm ways to become less reliant on purchasing 'stuff' altogether. 

While you can read more about the origins and current philosophies about Buy Nothing Groups here, the spirit of the groups really isn't about getting free stuff to fill your home with. It's about avoiding the urge to buy something new, in communities where overabundance is already a huge problem. It's about finding what we need within our own communities. And I'd argue, it's about giving more than we receive. 

I'll be the first to admit that as a new parent and now a new homeowner, I have more often than not been on the receiving end in our community. Both in and out of the Buy Nothing Groups, I've benefited from the generosity of others- Our biggest piece of decor (the one in the top photo) was a curb drop off by a neighbor down the street. But the receiving feels a lot more powerful when it's coupled with giving- for us, that's the old baby clothes we no longer need, or the gate that doesn't quite work in our current space. 

The true spirit of the Buy Nothing Group is found in the handful of respondents eager to collect our spare Black Lives Matter sign, or the fellow mom talking about her little one's favorite dress as she passes on the pieces her toddler outgrew. Or the woman collecting all our moving boxes and bubble paper, some collected from our Boston Buy Nothing group, before her own cross-country trip. 

I suppose we could always resell some things too (and sometimes, we do!) But in my humble opinion, if you're active in a Buy Nothing Group, you're really in the business of giving.

I'm curious, what's the nicest or most interesting thing you've given or received through a Buy Nothing or similar group? I'm super thankful for the artwork our neighbor gifted us, but my new (old) writing desk is a close second!

Lessons in Camping

 

Did you know that camping season in Florida is actually the winter? Even after growing up here, it didn't occur to me until chatting with another Mom in the outdoor playgroup I set up after moving here. But if you think about it, it makes perfect sense! Winters in Florida are beautiful- they're cooler, less humid, even a little less buggy. It's why we get 'snowbirds' all the way from Canada weathering out their winters here. 

Peter had a couple vacation days that were going to expire, and I was itching to explore a new part of Florida- camping seemed like a natural fit. So I threw together a quick plan and we were off. 

We chose the campsite (Long Point Park in Sebastian) purely from the recommendation of another parent. It's a nice little organized campground, but you definitely don't feel like you're out in nature- most folks have RVs with hookups, and there's a pretty clean bathroom/shower area that we were thankful for, plus a playground for kids. It was great- just not exactly the quiet set up I was expecting. That being said, we'd love to come back, maybe with kayaks or canoes, since our campsite had a spot for launching small boats!

On day one we arrived in time to set up our tent and cook dinner before it got too dark. E was SO excited to sleep in the tent- we had opened it on a test run the day before in our yard and she asked right away if she could sleep inside it. So I guess she gets it? 

That being said...sleeping in a tent proved challenging for our girl. I kind of expected it- apart from the occasional car nap and if she's overtired, E does NOT sleep well on the go. I joke that she is over-sleep trained because she really does struggle outside of her dark, cozy room and bed (or pack and play.) The white noise machine did help, a bit. So definitely bring that if you've got littles. The silver lining: she loved seeing all the stars at our camp site.

The next day we spent the morning/mid-day at the beach. We packed a picnic lunch and E loved digging in the sand. We didn't swim (most of the beaches have dangerous rip currents, huge waves, oh- and it's man-o-war season!) but it was honestly not too warm and we all just enjoyed getting some sun. There is a smaller cove-type beach in the park just down the road that is great for littles to splash around in. 

By the afternoon it was too hot to swim (or to nap inside the tent,) so we went for a drive. I was secretly hoping that E would fall asleep on the way down A1A, but no such luck, so we visited a small treasure museum (McLarty, more info here.) It was not at all expensive and an easy way to escape the heat. This part of Florida is known as the treasure coast because a number of shipwrecks from the Spanish colonial era have been found here. The staff was really knowledgeable- we got to chat with a ranger who grew up in the area and described moments where you'd just put your hand in the sand and pick up Spanish coins- so cool! It was a nice way to kill an hour and escape the heat. 

The second night was a little warmer, which meant a LOT more bugs. It didn't help that our independent little gal was a little bit slow getting herself into the tent- unfortunately that combo meant lots of bug bites that night :( note to self, re-apply deet at bedtime!!) 

Overall, we had a great time, with lots of valuable lessons learned about bringing small kids along for the ride and how camping in Florida is different from other parts of the country. Here's a few:

- Start with a game plan. I made a planning template for our first camping trip with E back when she was a baby. In addition to reservation dates and details, it included a packing list, meal plan, and list of local activities and hikes. I basically adapted the same template, tweaking it for Florida. And we'll definitely adjust the packing list slightly for our next trip

- get organized before you go. I got this tip from another blog/instagram Mom, Cali Wolf - in addition to having all the camping gear in one place in the garage, we keep the smaller odds and ends in two bins- one for kitchen stuff (the bin doubles as a wash basin) and one for miscellaneous smaller items. It makes packing 10x faster!

- adapt for littles. This is really true of all trips- pre-kid, I was definitely the travel that was always on the go- I wanted to squeeze as much as I could and see as many places as I could into a single trip. That really does not work for kiddos. We've found since having E cutting the pace by 50% and leaving afternoons open for quieter activities (or the occasional precious car nap, haha) works much better for us. Oh! and don't forget to add a few things to your packing list for the baby- namely, a place to put them down, like a pack and play, potentially a travel high chair and bassinet, and any other small essentials you need.

- prepare for all weather. Especially in Florida, winter doesn't mean consistent cold- a chilly evening and morning can swing into a hot afternoon. The key is bringing light layers so you can easily adapt.

- bug defense! This was the toughest lesson for us- even though I lived here in Florida for years, I forgot how bad bugs can be, even in the winter. We brought deet, which helped, but just one night without applying it meant we went home with dozens of bug bites. Next time we'll add citronella candles to the packing is. We have an insecticide-treated mosquito net too, but I'm not sure if we'll use it. Lastly, permethrin treated clothing is another good way to keep the bugs away- I had a scarf I was wearing the first night that I ditched because I was too hot, and I'm convinced it helped. 

Thoughts? What would you add to this list? If you've camped with littles I'd love to hear your tips!

We potty trained our 2 year old. Here's how.

 As promised, here’s the nuts and bolts of how we actually potty trained our little gal. 

Just a note: a lot of this is from Oh Crap, minus the intensity and sexism. No claims here to original content in terms of approach; this is just exactly what we did, with a lot of modifications. There were SO many little things we had to pivot on, but because this still worked, I’m writing it all out with what we learned on the way, in hopes it will help another parent somewhere out there. Also, every kid and family is so different, I imagine some of what worked for us won’t work for others, and some of what didn’t work well for us worked for others. So you get it all, even the messy bits!

We set a date. We picked a handful of days when I was on vacation and my husband was on a lighter schedule in July to be home, inside of our house, with absolutely NOTHING else going on. Not one single birthday, museum or beach trip. Nothing. I actually think our daughter benefited from more of this. It’s a big thing to learn, so it really does need to be the most mundane, un-busy 3 day weekend you can find. But honestly, more is better. 

We talked about it. A LOT. But honestly, maybe not enough? I think this was our pitfall. One part of Oh Crap that is a bit conflicting to me is that in certain parts it says not to make too big a deal of things, but on re-read, you do want your child to be prepared for what's to come. Once we started and things were going badly, we didn’t go back, but we did (while keeping her in diapers only for naps and sleeping) check out books, watch videos and sing songs about using the potty. We always sort of talked about it (she came with us to use the restroom, and we’d explain to her exactly what we were doing), but I think at this (and so many ages) really sitting down and talking them through big changes in age-appropriate detail is important. I think we should have done this BEFORE we started potty training. Unfortunately we didn’t. 

We prepared. We bought the potties (you may need several, considering borrowing from friends.) We rolled up the carpets. We decided about rewards (at first we decided against them, eventually we caved and gave her prunes for poops in the potty.) We did a couple of fun things together the days leading up to potty training, then got a good night’s sleep. Oh, and we hid the diapers and made a sort of big deal of it (‘bye bye, diapers! These are your new sleep pants!’) 

Days 1-3. The goal of day 1 in Oh Crap is to help your child move from ‘I peed’ to recognizing when they’re peeing, and finally recognizing that they have to go before they pee their pants. These 3 days were SO HARD. We got her up, took off her diaper, and started our day. You are more or less supposed to either see them peeing, tell them ‘hold it! pee goes on the potty’ and physically move them to the nearest potty. OR, every hour-ish prompted them to sit on the potty. Things went downhill pretty quickly. Our kid had EC’ed, so we knew she already recognized the feeling of peeing, and we knew COULD sit on the potty. She just didn’t want to stop playing and do it. But she saw my (hard to hide) stress after the 3rd, 4th and 5th mess, and it definitely rubbed off on her. She started to hold her pee until naptime, when we put her back in a diaper. But she absolutely no-way-in-hell wanted to sit on her potty, and was losing it by the end of the day (and so was I.)

Luckily the next day Peter was off work and I wanted to see if his approach would yield better results. So we kept it up. It was the same awfulness, except now she held her poop AND pee in to use the diaper at naptime and soaked through them. We figured we’d give it one more day and call the pediatrician Monday to make sure our child holding it for 7-8 hours wasn’t completely detrimental to her health. By day 3, while she still pooped in her pants, she was holding her  pee and at the very least not peeing on the floor (when she did, we cleaned it together, as non-punitively as possible.) I did a lit search and couldn’t find strong studies on urine withholding and long term negative effects. 

With my pediatrician’s support (she didn’t think UTI’s or later bladder issues were a major risk either), Peter and I had a talk and ultimately decided that while things felt pretty stressful, they weren’t exactly going…badly? By then, she had managed to sit on the potty a couple of times, and we made a big deal of it with a lot of verbal praise. We also played a few games on the potty to re-acclimate her to the potty, and she finally stopped screaming every time we went near it. Lastly, we stopped making a big deal of peeing and pooping altogether. Sunday night rolled around, and we had to decide if we were going to keep it up, or go back to diapers and try again in a few weeks. We decided to power through and see what happened.

Days 3-75 (kidding, sort of.) From there it slowly got easier every day. Our mantra became, ‘I trust you to tell me when you need to use the potty. When you need to go tell me, and I’ll help you’ but with some prompting thrown in. We also invited her to come and pee with us, and potty is now part of the nap and bedtime routine (although it does take a bit of bribing with books.) She still had more poops in the diapers than the potty, but would occasionally have a success on the potty. The pooping did scare her a bit, so we tried to keep things calm, rub her back and read books. If she got a poop in the potty, she got prunes! This is also a great time in potty training to introduce stool softeners (both natural and miralax! I’m a fan of both. Talk to your doctor before starting any new medications) 

We started with outings. Ok this may be out of timeline. I stayed inside for way too long, so maybe plan an outing sooner. It WILL build your confidence. But for us, on day 3 or 4, we HAD to go out- she had a doctor’s appointment- so away we went. 

It was a ten minute drive. I was terrified of her peeing on the car seat (I had to take the WHOLE THING apart and wash it after a bout of carsickness not 2 months before.) I even lined the car seat with a chuck (absolutely do not do this- it’s not safe!) 

She did fine. No accidents!

Then we went to the park 3 minutes away in the stroller, also lined with a chuck- fine. 

The library, a ten minute walk- fine.

Church- a ten minute drive and TWO HOUR SERVICE- no accidents. 

The following days and weeks were a blur, but in short- she did great! And we both enjoyed ourselves and were happier to get away from that house and all those weird potty training vibes. I truly thing it was a boost in confidence for both of us. And to this day she hasn’t had one accident in the car seat (and just one in the stroller in 3 months!) 

The final lap. Poops took awhile, but truly, since I wrote this out in October, I think we had 3 accidents. We really were close!

On our trip to London in September, something very interesting happened to us- jetlag. With the whacked out sleep schedule, she didn’t get into her beloved pooping pants (sorry, diaper) until 27 hours after we left our house in Boston (we used cloth pull ups on the flight, with only one accident when we couldn’t get up during landing to pee.) So right before her first nap, to everyone’s shock, she pooped on the potty! (She hadn’t done this in a while.) I was thrilled and proceeded to put her down for her nap the next day without a diaper on. After which she promptly pooped her pants. An unpleasant and natural consequence of this was having to wake her early from her nap and clean her up. She was understandably very upset. I felt terrible. I think we both did. 

I think after this she began to naturally have an aversion to pooping in her pants, but continued to do so (in a diaper) during naptime because she’d wake up from her naps really distraught. Occasionally she’d poop on the potty around breakfast, but often she’d poop in the crib. It seemed like maybe we were doing her a disservice by putting her down to her nap too early, not getting her up quickly enough in the morning. So we started getting her up right away, and at naptime, if she asked for more books, we’d allow it- on the potty. In October, it clicked. She pooped on the potty before her nap one Sunday, then again, then again. She had an accident after one week, then went two weeks without any accidents. Another two on our road trip. It's now been about 3 weeks and she consistently uses the potty.

I want to close this up by saying I don’t think this is the right approach, mostly because I don’t think there is one right approach. Potty training isn’t as scientifically rigid as, say, deciding which febrile kid in the ER gets a work up. It’s social, psychological, developmental- and way more nuanced. I think we did some things right (train early.) I think we did a lot of things wrong (over-prompting, under-preparing her for day 1, letting her poop her pants in London.) I think we have a ton of privilege- a space where we could allow for accidents, access to resources to learn and get advice, and most importantly, the privilege of lots of free time off together this summer. I know many families don’t have that. If you do, or even if you don’t and want to give potty training a younger toddler a shot, go for it- I’ll be your number one cheerleader. I hope this was helpful on your journey, and I hope it goes great.

We Potty Trained Before 2. Here's Why.

Hiya! I wasn’t sure when I’d be writing this post. We started potty training in the summer. I wanted to be sure we had fully made it before sharing our experience. We used a three-day method, so I figured it couldn’t be that hard…

3 months later, I see things VERY differently. I absolutely do not have any regrets, but it’s definitely been a humbling experience! That being said, I am so glad we toilet trained when we did. Here’s why.

[PS- before we get too deep in the weeds. We potty trained our daughter on the earlier side compared to other U.S. kids. If this topic is bothersome or triggering to you, for ANY REASON- please don’t read. Potty training is not easy, and what it looks like can vary so much from family to family. When we were ready may not be when your family is ready. And that is 110% OK.  The intent of this post was not to make folks feel crappy about when they decided the timing was right for their kid. As a pediatrician, I am a child health expert- but you are the expert on your child. I say this to parents all the time in the hospital. And I really, truly believe that.]

Why we trained early: 

We wanted to get out of diapers quickly. As a cloth diaper family, I think this is a common motivator- toilet training decreases your laundry by 70%! That was super appealing!! But the other piece of it is definitely sustainability. Our goal was always as few diapers as possible (hence the EC adventures and later cloth diapering, you can read more about that here.) 

I am a readiness skeptic. It’s not that I don’t believe the challenges parents are facing with potty training aren’t real- potty training was the hardest thing I’ve done as a parent (and we sleep trained and took multiple red eye flights in the first year.) But I went into it knowing the folks I worked with in Liberia had trained their children for pees by age one, and poops by two. Obviously the challenges facing a parent in Liberia versus a parent in the United States are incredibly different- but I think readiness may be over-emphasized over here. 

But also, we saw some signs of readiness. I know, really classy move to contradict myself the next line over. But after an ER trip where she held a ton of pee for 6 hours, I realized ou kid could recognize some feelings around peeing and fullness. She could also sit up much and walk better than when she lost interest in the potty during EC. Because of EC, we (meaning all of us) recognized when she was peeing and pooping, we felt like we could help her get those pees and poops on the potty! She couldn’t physically push her pants down, but we figured if we were training early, we could help her with that (and 3 months in, now she can!)  

I wanted to avoid any older toddler battles. I managed to get through one book about potty training, Oh Crap. I honestly didn’t love the tone, and found some of the sexist moments off-putting, but I do think the author is right about one thing- toddler resistance gets more intense around age 2.5, and we really wanted to be done by then. This also tailored my approach- we didn’t make a big deal of it either way. Accidents happened and we cleaned up together. Apart from talking about, reading about, watching some children’s shows, we sort of built it into our daily life. We did add some rewards later, but nothing too wild. 

It was summer! This may sound silly, but summer means hot weather, aka perfect commando toddler weather, more outdoor play where pee messes aren’t a problem, and plenty of popsicles and cold drinks to make more pee (for practice.) I highly, highly recommend regardless of your child’s age, if you live anywhere with any kind of seasonality, go for the summer. 

Ok, now that we’re done with the why! Next up is the how! I’ll post it later this week!