Schlepping into the last trimester.

Hi! How are you holding up? Like much of the world, I’m pretty anxious about today. I voted early to avoid having to stand in line at the polls too close to my due date, and since I suspect there won’t be a clear winner tonight maybe even for a couple of days, I have a pretty hefty to-do list to try and distract myself from doom-scrolling. First off: a 3^rd trimester check-in, because why the hell not? :) 

Currently: I’m 39 weeks, so the baby could come any day, or hang out awhile. I am definitely in a semi-denial state; for several weeks I’ve been telling people the baby will come after their due date, that first babies never come on time(I even looked up data on this to corroborate my conviction because, well, have you met me?)…but it is entirely possible I’m kidding myself! Babies come when they want to! I need to get over that fact. Clearly I am not great at being out of control of things. 

Feeling: Ready and not ready. I work with children so I know enough to know this is going to be a shock to the system. On paper, we’re ‘ready’- hospital bag packed except for last-minute toiletries, car seat base installed, bassinet assembled, birth classes read and reviewed… but the truth is, you’re never fully prepared. You just can’t be. One day you’re living your life, barely feeling like an adult, and the next you’re responsible for keeping this tiny, complex being alive, warm, fed and safe. Not to say I’m not excited- both P and I are so stoked to meet this kid. But I’m trying mentally to be prepared to feel unprepared.  

Physically, I overall still feel pretty ok. I am wishing I’d been better about actual exercise, but I’ve managed to keep walking throughout the pregnancy and we’ve even hiked quite a bit, so I haven’t done too bad. Funnily enough after being so worried about getting certain symptoms, the worst one has been one I didn’t expect- reflux! Majority of pregnant women get it and it. Has. Been. A. nightmare. Luckily I’ve gotten away with smaller, more frequent meals and popping tums like there’s no tomorrow. But I really can’t wait for that symptom to settle down.

Craving: Confession time: I never had any major cravings or aversions. I wanted more of the stuff I usually like- sweets/desserts, and spicy foods (I could probably eat buffalo chicken on a bed of greens every day if you let me!), but there was nothing I was absolutely desperate for. Same with the aversions- the smell of eggs threw me off very briefly, but since the second trimester I haven’t had any problems with food intolerance or nausea, which I’m super thankful for.

Wearing: Down to pretty much 1 pair of maternity leggings from Pact (thanks sis!) and 2 hand-me-down maternity jeans. Luckily since I'm done with work pants are mostly optional and I pretty much live in sweats and loose t-shirts these days. When I do go out, more often than not I'm wearing one of my husband's sweaters and a North Face coat I bought second-hand for my Mom's stay, since mine is way too tight and currently on loan to my sister. Considering how much new stuff we bought and received as gifts for the baby, it feels good that I haven't had to invest in too many new pieces for myself. Not spending or buying too much is also a big motivator to get back into my pre-baby clothes, but I'm going to give myself a year and a lot of grace since growing a baby is hard work and I want to go easy on myself and my body as it recuperates. 

Listening: Ok so I may have put together a playlist for our little one already, and it *may* be well over 6 hours of songs and music (linked here). Other than that I’m definitely not mad that Fleetwood Mac made a surprise comeback thanks to tik tok, but I wouldn’t be mad if the world decided to obsess over another song of theirs eventually (so many great options to choose from!) P has been playing guitar for our little one  every bedtime- he’s nailed Country Roads, which my Mom used to sing to me and my siblings, and I’m convinced the baby loves it since they start kicking when they hear the first chords 😊 

Reading: Mostly for class- on wildfires and climate change- this article was a good read, on psychology and the Covid-19 response, on healthcare systems and supply chains in different parts of the world- fascinating stuff and I have to pinch myself every day that my job is paying me to learn about these things. I’m also trudging my way through a book on breastfeeding (you can find it here on the AAP website.) It’s a little hard tp get into because there’s so much about breastfeeding technique that is hands on and nuanced- how to hold the breast to help your baby latch, positioning their body against yours, how their mouth fits over the breast- that it can be a little dry and hard to follow. Luckily there are some great resources online, including free info from board-certified lactation consultants on Instagram (I know, proceed with caution on social media!) If I have time I may try this $20 course thisweekend. We’ll have to see.

Making: mostly just drafting work for school- papers, project proposals to submit to our IRB- I haven’t felt up for drawing recently, which is fine. We did do some tie-dying at my baby shower, which was really fun and has left me with an excessive number of hippy-style baby outfits (not that mad about it, TBH, but this kid will stick out at the playground.) I’m also baking a TON, which is a first-ever for me (these were delicious and a big step up from my usual funfetti from the box cookies)… I’ve found writing here and in my journal to the baby to be really cathartic as well.

Hoping: we get good news on election night, though if history repeats itself we’ll be stuck with the current president for 4 more years. Heartbreaking, especially knowing how much work we need to do to make this country a safe place for Black families, migrants, minorities, and so many others.